DecipheringYouDecipheringMe

2010-05-13T00:15:00.001-07:00

I have been asking myself almost all week; is the pinnacle of the Christian walk self-actualization? I don't think it is. Nor do I think the pinnacle is altruism. The crown of this faith is something else entirely. It is knowing Jesus, especially in the fray of actualization and altruism.

2010-04-12T14:14:00.001-07:00

Your kingdom COME, your will be done, ON earth as it IS in heaven" what do you know of the implications of that? What does his kingdom mean?--these things in thinking about. These things are churning my stomach.

Tar on Fences

2010-04-01T11:07:00.001-07:00

It seems it is one of Satan's chief stratagems to tar the fences around the gardens of forbade orchards. For when we climb the fence to acquire such "tasty" fruit we inevitably leave dirty. Thus we realize the impossibility of touching tar, for the sake of fruit, without being defiled.

But let us examine the character of the master gardener--our Lord. Is he a harsh and odious master? One who whips to make us scream and hush? Does he whip us where the blood runs fastest? No, he mercifully does not. For he has sent his son to be the instrument of his justice which we have so lusted after. Therefore let us approach the throne with such a joy! May we sing songs wrought with rapturous tone and sentiment!

A Religious Man

2010-03-28T23:39:00.001-07:00

"I do believe that the design of the universe is essentially a religious question, that is one should have some kind of respect and awe for the whole business. Its very magnificent and shouldn't be taken for granted. In fact I believe that is why Einstein has so little use for organized religion, although he strikes me as a very religious man. He must have looked at what the preachers said about God and felt that they were blaspheming. He had seen much more majesty than they had ever imagined. They were just not talking about the real thing."-Charles Meisner

2010-03-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

waking up to irrigate a wheat field 3 nights in a row with 2 to go will do this to a person.

Shall We

2010-03-22T23:15:00.001-07:00

"Do you suppose abuses are eliminated by destroying the object which is abused? Men can go wrong with wine and women, shall then we prohibit and abolish women? Some men abuse stars, shall we then pluck them out of the sky."-Martin Luther

Finals

2010-03-17T20:16:00.000-07:00

This is what my Finance and Credit test looked like today. Way to go me, I really set the bar high on that one. I think I'll lie in bed for the rest of the night until my body becomes as worn in as my sheets. Then I'll wake up in the morning thinking, "okay now I'll study, now I'll gett'r done!" Reality is, I wont. Then I'll head off to campus and people will look at me and say, "hey there is that kid who looks like my raggedy bed sheets!"--worn in and depressed. "Way to go freshman, you caught me" I'll say as I dip into the gym to get my fix for the day. Sailor beanie and headphones affixed, I'll stride out, proudly aticipating that oppressive moment when I realize: one more final on friday. And to think, this has been such a good week!

2010-01-31T10:52:00.001-08:00

I saw a baby wake up in his dad's lap. His eyes caught his daddy's and there they stood. Through blinks they stood. Fixed and comfortable. I was shocked. I was watching love fall into place. Shaken, I remembered Jesus' eyes. What would they tell me? Resolved; hope, daddy. Contentment daddy. Trust daddy. Love, daddy.

2009-12-28T10:32:00.001-08:00

San Diego sing Him a hymn,
write me a poem,
welcome me,
write new memories,
anything to uncuff my mind from then.
Amen

Dissolving

2009-12-05T22:51:00.001-08:00

A note to her;

We need to die before we die. But what happens when the person who died comes back to life?

Repent, repent, repent.

Turn and take.

"One day He did not leave after kissing me."-Rabia

He does not kiss and go away. When He kissed us with His grace He stayed and He is with us now.

Salvation. Sanctification. Pursuit. Patience. Un-condition. Freedom. Security. Choice.

We do have a choice in the matter--to come to him or not. But why would we choose anything else? His grace is so irresistible.

May we continue to dissolve in the grace of God.

Landon

Grieving the Spirit

2009-10-28T23:04:00.001-07:00

One of the attributes of God is his unconditional consistency in his love. He is steadfast. Over and over again he says it.

As believers we have the Holy Spirit. If we do not have the Holy Spirit in us we are not believers. Also, as believers God promises to give us a new heart. To sanctify us. This does not mean we will be perfect once we trust in Jesus. We will still sin. And here is where it all ties together, whether we are sinning or not we still have the Holy Spirit in us. Our sin therefore carries a new weight of proximity because the very God we sin against is in our presence at all times.

The beauty is however, his grace. Though we may grieve the Spirit, sin against him ect he will never leave us. He seals us, guarantees that we are saved AND will sanctify us. We must lean on his mercy, we have nowhere else to go but there. Let us also repent quickly, coming back to our loving father who sees all that we do so that we might be forgiven and healed. Let us be teachable as the Spirit desires to prune us and grow our roots deeper in truth and freedom.

Begin Again

2009-10-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

I just read my friend's blog. I think I may blog again.

MONSTER SOCKS

2009-09-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

I want these MONSTER

Slavery

2009-09-03T14:06:00.000-07:00

I have been reading through John Piper's exposition on Philemon and its relationship to slavery. I have never seen slavery as the backdrop or reason for Paul's letter to Philemon. It was incredibly interesting.

Philemon

Letter Pressed

2009-08-23T15:30:00.001-07:00

Letter Pressed

Missions

2009-08-19T15:18:00.001-07:00

I was talking to a missionary friend today about the roles of people who partake in missions. She pointed out "It's all about spreading the gospel. From those who go to those who pray to those who preach to those who finance. We all have a role & I never saw it so clearly before raising support."

She is being humbled. By that I mean, she is learning she is not the center of the Gospel cause. I am learning through her financial struggle how myopic we can get on the value of "direct" ministry. There are many other just as important unseen and unacknowledged roles. Ultimately Jesus has ownership of HIS cause-spreading the Gospel-& ownership of the MEANS by which his cause is carried out. Therefore, as long as we are being faithful, like she said, we are being good stewards. The rest we must leave to grace & sovereignty.

To support Brittany Onstott please visit give.cci.org and type in her name.

Emotional Flu part 2

2009-08-18T01:17:00.001-07:00

Or maybe it's just the hot wings....

(In reference to the last post)

Emotional Flu

2009-08-18T01:01:00.001-07:00

I feel like I have an emotional flu. My soul is unsettled. Almost as if it needs to throw up but can not.

My stomach empathizes with my soul. I feel sick with discomfort! I don't like the "in-between stage." I want to know what to do. The uncertainty and the waiting is unsettling and hard to deal with.

I know it is necessary however, and oh what a peace there is in meditating on the hope of salvation that lies in the long arm of Jesus!

Your glory is my peace, my crown, my pillow. Your work is the weight that closes my eyes and allows me to rest in contentment tonight. Your work permeates my innermost being. May it settle my stomach and my soul. You are my portion. I have no taste for bread, yet You I will eat because You my savior and great God are good!

The Casual Christian

2009-08-15T18:59:00.001-07:00

I just read a survey the Barna Group did on the largest "tribe" in America--"Casual Christians." Barna's insight seem spot on.

Two things stick out to me. First, it seems America's big idol is shifting from materialistic "comfortability" to "peace." Second, Barna points to community and a faith-lifestyle integration as the two catalysts for massive change within this tribe.

So how can we contextualize the Gospel to the 66% of Americans who align themselves with this tribe?

Art That Speaks

2009-08-15T16:11:00.001-07:00

This summer I met a church planter/pastor while working at the pool. He and his wife invited Jessica over for breakfast a few weeks ago and what a blessing it was. It turns out he (Jeremy) is from southern Cal, so it was good to reminisce about home.

This summer I have been giving a tremendous amount of thought to contextualizing the Gospel in the Greek Community. Jeremy recently blogged about contextualization. His experience illuminates the purpose and importance of contextualizing the Gospel.

Check it out.

First Thoughts

2009-08-14T11:18:00.001-07:00

First thoughts today...

Our desire is not to suffer, but to glorify God !whatever! the cost. Does God anoint suffering to bring Him glory? (1 Peter 2:19-25)

Our desire should be service. God frees us to be slaves. Do you believe in a beneficial slavery? God does. He came to serve. (Matt. 20:26-28, 2 Tim. 2:19-21, 1 Pet. 2:16-17, Heb. 9:13-14)

How and why do you give gifts? (Romans 3:23-24, 9:13-18) Can we choose to accept or reject God's gift? Why do we care to even know if we can reject it? Shouldn't we be so enamored by God's gift that we not even consider the possibility of rejection?

Who is Jesus really? Do we know what people did to Him and what they came to Him for? Would we have done the same? There is an undeniable juxtaposition between people approaching for need and those approaching for gain.(Matthew)

Synonyms?

2009-08-13T13:57:00.001-07:00

"Hyper-Fundamentalism" is not synonymous with "Doctrine." That's like saying "McDonald's" is synonymous with "Food." There are other things you can eat.-Matt Chandler and Mark Driscoll

Check out their interview @ theresurgence.com

2009-08-12T11:23:00.001-07:00

I often wish Jesus were hear to talk with. I realized for the first time today it is fitting for Him to be in Heaven.

As I am reading through a whole gospel for the first time (Matthew) it is being revealed to me that Jesus' work has personal implications for me. His life and obedience to the cross is a historical reality.

I am tackled by the intensity of what happened to him. They spit in his face when He told the truth (Matt 26:63,64,67) Coming to a deeper understanding of what He went through to rescue me from hell I now want Jesus to be in no other place than at the right hand of God enthroned in Heaven with all glory (Matt. 26:52-54, 27:45,46)

It is not an attitude of "you are too good to be around me" but rather an attitude that says "you are worthy to be in heaven receiving praise and glory. And in light of what you did I trust you when you say you will always be with me in spirit." (Matt 28:20)

2009-08-11T15:39:00.001-07:00

Are we approaching God because we don't want to sin anymore or because our sin is the reason Jesus was murdered so that we could approach God?

The heart behind the first reason is not a response to the Lord's violent grace. It is to say "I want something (man's approval, self-righteousness, outer purity, a better life ect) and Jesus is the means to that end. Therefore I want Jesus." The other option is to say, "I have sent you to the cross. Jesus you have done a great work to save me from the path I was on. You rescued me before I knew you. I did nothing to warrant your grace. I accept what you have done."

We must understand God chose us BEFORE we chose him. Therefore all our repentance should be in response to Jesus' saving person and work.

2009-08-08T13:13:00.001-07:00

Here is my question Lord, " I live on earth, which is yours. You live in heaven--I know you live somewhere b/c you are alive and say you have a kingdom and went there.

How is prayer our medium of communication? How does it work? Do I close my eyes or look to the sky? Do I look to and listen to what you might say w/in me?

I am having a difficult time in connecting w/ you because it seems to me I am talking--whether loud or quite--to the space of my home, not to your ear. It does not seem as if I am communicating with heaven. I say this b/c by human definition communication usually involves both parties interacting. Are you interacting? If you are, is it my fault that I don't hear you? Is it unrepentant/habitual sin that is hindering the "feeling" of you? Doesn't Christ take that away from your sight so that we can talk?

Maybe I should read Calvin's book on prayer."

2009-08-06T11:29:00.001-07:00

I tend to suround myself with people who acentuate and personify specific character traits I wish I had but don't or traits I do have but do not define me. I choose people to be close friends if they draw out specific pieces of my personality. Here are some examples:

John is a thinker. When I need to think deeply I position myself close to him so that I can feed off his personality.

Chase is irresponsible and creative. When I am feeling arty I call chase to acentuate that side of me.

Matt is crude, messy and honest. When I am feeling outlandish I go to Matt's house.

Sean is introspective and smokes. When I want to think about shapes of clouds and the universe we have a bonfire.

AJ is rebellious and deeply accepting. When I want to act out I need to stay away from AJ.

Dan has a deep heart for the Kingdom Cause. When I'm pressed to work for the Cause I call Dan.

Is this wrong? Do you do this?

2009-08-05T17:15:00.001-07:00

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth so that I can sink them into books!

If I never receive any other gift but books I would be content.

Biographies of men such as John Patton, Charles Spurgeon, Jonathan Edwards, Hudson Taylor, John Elliot and other missionaries are saturated with the Gospel. (Eph 2:8-10). There have been so many martyrs, missionaries and pastors who have taken up the great commission, taking Jesus to the nations, naming Him where He has not been named (Matt. 28:18-20,Mark 16:15, Luke 24:47) They have "done missions when dying is gain." (Listen to John Piper's talk for more on this).

2009-08-05T02:09:00.001-07:00

I had to break this post in two due to the fact it is being sent from my phone as I sit in my dark room, at an hour too early to be awake and be called sane.

My next friend of recognition is Nate. Nate is a fervent and inspired intercessor (that basically means prayer giant). What elevates Nate to such a place of influence is that he is consistently vocal about when and why he is praying for me. His text messages and calls that tell me he is praying for me hit me like a wave. Before tonight I sometimes take for granted the impact of his intercession. But again, by God's grace through the Spirit I see the need of this arm of the church. Nate you are a giant for me on this night. Thank you for consistently telling me when you are prayer for me. It is a source of great affirmation. Your prayers are timely and Spirit led. Praise God for the church.

2009-08-05T01:58:00.001-07:00

On a very difficult and sleepless night I am made aware of God's beautiful church. I notice two friends tonight in particular who are wonderfully used as an extension of Christ's love in my life.

I was almost blinded to the manifestation of God's affirmation and comfort through his church. But, by the painful grace of God through his Ghost I see so clearly, and with so much affection, the power of the church--that is, the power of spirit filled believers.

It is currently 4:51 am EST and I have been awake now for some time. The reason for this I will dismiss, for the purpose of this post is not to vent but rather to praise God for his work through saints.

LJ is a giant for me in the relentless thought he gives to my spiritual growth. The consistency of affirmation he gives is beyond what I have seen as normal. No other friend is so ferocious on my behalf. Thank you Lord for your church.

Luke Timothy Johnson

2009-07-29T23:55:00.001-07:00

I recently read a excerpt from a yoda smart guy named Luke Timothy Johnson (I agree, the name is a little over the top)

he writes:

"Does the church act triumphantly or treat people arrogantly? Is it an agent for the suppression of human needs and aspirations? Does it foster intolerance and small-mindedness? Does the church proclaim a gospel of success and offer Jesus as a better business partner? Does it encourage an ethos of prosperity to the neglect of the earth's good, or an individualistic spirituality to neglect the world's needy? Are its leaders corrupt and coercive? Such distortions of Christianity can find no harsher critic, no more radical rejecter, than the Jesus found only in the pages of the New Testament, the Jesus who was himself emptied out for others and called his followers to do the same."

2009-07-28T11:42:00.001-07:00

I work at a pool. I just met my boss, his name is Greg. He encouraged me to use my job as a platform to share the Gospel. Praise God for men like Greg who are reformissional.

Yesterday

2009-07-21T10:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a good day. I went Disc Golfing in the rain with my roommate (in NC) who happens to be Jessica's cousin, then I went to the bank and had a quick chance to talk to my friend Renee who is going to Africa for a few weeks. It rained most of the day, which is weird because it is summer, but it ended up stopping about 4:30. This was a good thing because at 5:30 Daniel (Jessica's brother), Daniel's father-in-law Rick and I were going to go play golf.

During half of our 9 hole venture it rained. Drops hit the ground like bullets and exploded the dirt and grass all around my ball each time I geared up to take a swing. For most of the round I was given the opportunity to see the glory of God in his trees and wooded forests, not because I wanted to, but because God kept forcing my ball into branches and tree lines. He is sovereign.

My short game was killer however. The 5 iron was my club of the day. This was the only thing that saved me from getting double digits on every hole (I mostly shot between a 6-8 on each hole). Needless to say I lost the round.

Rick won with a 42, Daniel shot a 52 and I shot somewhere in the 70's. Mind you this was on 9 holes and that is terrible.

After golf we met up with Lauren (Daniel's wife), Lauren's sister Kelly and the AMAZING ZOE; Kelly's 2 year old daughter. Zoe is the most interesting person I have ever met. We met up with them at the airplane observation deck at the airport and then went back to D and L's house where Daniel made me a grilled sandwich with BUTTER on it! Who would have ever thought to put butter on a sandwich! It is incredible.

Zoe wanted to watch Batman, so we did. Then Zoe wanted to play "Let's go to the beach" so we did. Zoe gets what she wants because she is awesome. Just to give you some insight on Zoe's personality; she knows the lyrics to a bunch of songs including Disturbia by Rhianna, she likes to throw things, she falls down and doesn't cry, she pronounces things weird, she does "high knees" exercises when she walks like it is normal walking, she dances everywhere and she will climb up the side/back of a couch to sneak up on you like a cat and finally she has OCD...she is 2 years old.

Zoe is my favorite person of the week.

Daniel and I got the chance to talk for quite a bit about a myriad of different things, dating his sister, golf, pranks, banking, marriage, his baby on the way, his family, my family, God, ministry, ect. It was such a blessing and a welcomed time of fellowship.

I left their house about 11:30, got home and watched TV online until I fell asleep. Jessica was in Washington DC all day so I didn't get to talk to her until she got back at 3am. She got back safely which was good.

And that was my yesterday.

Zeloo

2009-07-11T10:48:00.001-07:00

Do you feel more loved by God because he makes much of you, or because, at great cost to himself, he frees you to enjoy making much of him forever?

Read more from John Piper...

2009-06-28T23:13:00.001-07:00

So I work at a pool. It is a cake job and it can be lame. Recently I told a frat brother about it. He suggested I put a baby ruth in the pool to get it shut down and go home early. Yesterday he asked how it went.

This was my response...

There was this little cambodian kid in the pool (isn't this how every great story begins)...

Anyway, he thought since there was already a "floater" he could just squeeze one off. Anyway stuff got out of hand quick and before I knew it javone's mom was jumping in the pool playing bobbing for apples.....only she wasn't bobbing, and they weren't apples.

You can not purchase the Gospel

2009-06-20T11:58:00.000-07:00

You can not purchase The Gospel with obedience. Grace is a gift. Repent. Ask for it. Live in response to it.

" RELIGION: I obey-therefore I’m accepted.
THE GOSPEL: I’m accepted-therefore I obey.

RELIGION: Motivation is based on fear and insecurity.
THE GOSPEL: Motivation is based on grateful joy.

RELIGION: I obey God in order to get things from God.
THE GOSPEL: I obey God to get to God-to delight and resemble Him.

RELIGION: When circumstances in my life go wrong, I am angry at God or my self, since I believe, like Job’s friends that anyone who is good deserves a comfortable life.
THE GOSPEL: When circumstances in my life go wrong, I struggle but I know all my punishment fell on Jesus and that while he may allow this for my training, he will exercise his Fatherly love within my trial.

RELIGION: When I am criticized I am furious or devastated because it is critical that I think of myself as a ‘good person’. Threats to that self-image must be destroyed at all costs.
THE GOSPEL: When I am criticized I struggle, but it is not critical for me to think of myself as a ‘good person.’ My identity is not built on my record or my performance but on God’s love for me in Christ. I can take criticism.

RELIGION: My prayer life consists largely of petition and it only heats up when I am in a time of need. My main purpose in prayer is control of the environment.
THE GOSPEL: My prayer life consists of generous stretches of praise and adoration. My main purpose is fellowship with Him.

RELIGION: My self-view swings between two poles. If and when I am living up to my standards, I feel confident, but then I am prone to be proud and unsympathetic to failing people. If and when I am not living up to standards, I feel insecure and inadequate. I’m not confident. I feel like a failure.
THE GOSPEL: My self-view is not based on a view of my self as a moral achiever. In Christ I am “simul iustus et peccator”—simultaneously sinful and yet accepted in Christ. I am so bad he had to die for me and I am so loved he was glad to die for me. This leads me to deeper and deeper humility and confidence at the same time. Neither swaggering nor sniveling.

RELIGION: My identity and self-worth are based mainly on how hard I work. Or how moral I am, and so I must look down on those I perceive as lazy or immoral. I disdain and feel superior to ‘the other.’
THE GOSPEL: My identity and self-worth are centered on the one who died for His enemies, who was excluded from the city for me. I am saved by sheer grace. So I can’t look down on those who believe or practice something different from me. Only by grace I am what I am. I’ve no inner need to win arguments.

RELIGION: Since I look to my own pedigree or performance for my spiritual acceptability, my heart manufactures idols. It may be my talents, my moral record, my personal discipline, my social status, etc. I absolutely have to have them so they serve as my main hope, meaning, happiness, security, and significance, whatever I may say I believe about God.
THE GOSPEL: I have many good things in my life—family, work, spiritual disciplines, etc. But none of these good things are ultimate things to me. None of them are things I absolutely have to have, so there is a limit to how much anxiety, bitterness, and despondency they can inflict on me when they are threatened and lost."

This was posted by my pastor (Bryan Stupar) in San Luis Obispo who got it from Tim Keller.

Check out Keller at Bryan Stupar's blog.

For the RED

2009-06-15T15:52:00.000-07:00

This is a song Jay-Z did for the RED campaign which helps raise funds and awareness for the fight against AIDS in Africa.

Brooklyn We Go Hard

2009-06-10T20:37:00.001-07:00

1 Peter 1:1-2

How are you being sanctified?

From the Trial Series: Trial and Sin by Mark Driscoll

Day Two

2009-06-10T08:04:00.000-07:00

Morning. Day two.

7:30am came quickly. Joshua David and I began our day by cleaning up poop and pee in Chuck's dinning room from one of the dogs. Thank God for tile floors, sandwich bags and paper towels. One thing is for sure though, those dogs are very regular. Not runny, just....right.

Anyway, after our cleaning I decided to read Hosea. As I began reading over 11:10-11

"10 They shall go after the Lord;
he will roar like a lion;
when he roars,
his children shall come trembling from the west;
11 they shall come trembling like birds from Egypt,
and like doves from the land of Assyria,
and I will return them to their homes, declares the Lord."

One of the dogs barked really loud as I read that, it startled me and I began to really think about a lion roaring. That would make me tremble. If the Lord is like that I would be freaked out. I don't think I have reverence for the Lord's power and jealous love. I often think of God in terms of Christianity; Lord of believers not of the universe. I tend to marginalize his power. Other times I will only think of him in a personal sense; sovereign over my life not the world. Thoughts like these tend to de-elevate God I think. At the very least these thoughts steal my reverence for the Lord.

The roaring Lord. Roaring to get our attention and bring us back to him. That is commanding and bold. That is the strong God. Do we hear him roar? Do we want to?

After some time in scripture Chuck and the Mrs. rolled in. We said hi, they said hi, Chuck bounced, we bounced.

After a stop at the Shell Gas station (I got 3 cents off every gallon for being a shell card member: sweet!) and a stop at the D's (McDonald's) we headed to Hoover...Dam it is as big as he was. (Get it? That is a pun).

Next stop the Grand Canyon. The Grand Canyon will draw reverence out of you. The drive afterward to Albuquerque New Mexico however just draws insanity out of you.

Day three was around the corner, along with a Waffle House. More about that tomorrow.

Day One Done

2009-06-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

Day One of our cross country jaunt is done. We drove from Tulare to Long Beach to Vegas. We got a late start, but it wasn't a big deal really. On the way to Long Beach we listened to Savage Garden, Five, and Rap from back in the day--which really means rap from 5 years ago.

Once we got to Long Beach we met up with Sarah Tim-oh-ns (really spelled Timmons). She is on the Long Beach Summer Project, which is ideal because it is literally right on the beach.

We found out the hotel she is staying at appears in the OC. Yal member dat show?
After David (That is Jessica's brother. I found out his real name is Joshua. David is his middle name. I am upset.) stuck is toes in the COLD Pacific went and we raided a homeless person's crib we went to Belmont so Tim-oh-ns and Jessica could shop.

David and I sat outside most of the store like real men do. While we were sitting outside one shop a homeboy walked by with a Boston Terrier. He was also waiting outside the same store for his lady friend. This was the first time I have ever seen a Bosty in real life....

After Belmont we dropped Tim-oh-ns off and took goodbye pictures--she immediately posted them--then made our way to dinner at In-N-Out. This was a virginal experience for Joshua David as he has never been to the West Coast before.

Vegas came next, well sort of, we had to drive 5 hours to get there. Jessica and I talked a lot on the way. David said he wants to be an airline or jet pilot. I think that is cool.

We got to Vegas, saw the strip, it was 11:30pm. Everyone was out and about like it was the new year. With "stripping" complete we made our way to the Wardzy's cousin's crib. He and his wifey were not home. They went to Lake Mead for the day with some friends on a house boat. They missed the ferry to come tow them back in so they were stuck on the lake all night. Bummer stat because we wanted to hang with the Wright side of the family.

2 dogs were at the Arizona Palace of Mr. Chuck Wright (Jessica's cousin). They were high on cocaine I think.

Bed.

Me Too

2009-06-03T12:32:00.001-07:00

So I am inspired by John Piper and Mark Driscoll today.

John wrote: "Now what about Twitter? I find Twitter to be a kind of taunt: “Okay, truth-lover, see what you can do with 140 characters! You say your mission is to spread a passion for the supremacy of God in all things! Well, this is one of those ‘all things.’ Can you magnify Christ with this thimble-full of letters?”
To which I respond:
The sovereign Lord of the earth and skyPuts camels through a needle’s eye.And if his wisdom see it mete,He will put worlds inside a tweet.
So I am not inclined to tweet that at 10AM the cat pulled the curtains down. But it might remind me that the Lion of Judah will roll up the heavens like a garment, and blow out the sun like a candle, because he just turned the light on. That tweet might distract someone from pornography and make them look up.
I’ve been tweeting anonymously for a month mainly to test its spiritual and family effects on me. In spite of all the dangers, it seems like a risk worth taking. “All things were created through Christ and for Christ” (Colossians 1:16). The world does not know it, but that is why Twitter exists and that’s why I Tweet.
By his grace and for his glory,
Pastor John"

Mark said: "Guys can Change"

Before I listened to that though, I listened to Mark rebuke me with his Marriage and Men talk. I have also been reading through Hosea.

The inside of me has been all turned up over my sin. But I am finding great encouragement in John and Mark's encouragement that God's grace can change us.

I talked to my friend Jerrod last night, what an ear for the Lord he has. He very casually told me about what the Lord has been putting on his heart. Hearing that was so awesome because I see and heard a man being radically transformed by the Holy Spirit. He is putting the work in and listening to the Lord, embracing truth and receiving grace.

I want that too.

It is more than agreements and tickets and comments

2009-05-29T09:51:00.000-07:00

"I realized for the first time that being a Christian didn't just mean getting into heaven - it meant living and loving and glorifying my savior with every day, every breath. I went back to my room and prayed for Jesus to not only be my savior, but my ruler, my master..."- Didi Nordyke. NEXT testimony.

Are we...
Am I...
...Better question; are you my ruler today? Yes. Am I serving you? Not whole heartedly. Is moving out of my apartment serving you? Nah, I don't think so. I'm just moving out ya know, I haven't involved you really. That has my story lately; I've just been doing shit. I say shit not just to add dramatic effect. I mean really let's call my work lately what it is: stuff, meaninglessness. Shit is all the stuff that your body doesn't need so it gets rid of it. The stuff I have been doing lately has not been that nourishing to my relationship with You. (maybe I should repent for saying shit)

You are very present and involved, I'm just kinda not. I haven't really been actively rebelling but I haven't been actively involved with you either. I mean I sort of do. At times, specifically when I need you. Like doing a bible study, "Oh I need you I better get focused" or talking with my parents about our tumultuous year or our family, "Oh we need to pray, I better get focused" or I am making big decisions "Oh I need you, time to read my bible."

John was right, the average American spends 10 minutes a day with the Lord. Aaaaaa DAY. I have been bringing down the average lately.

At this point I feel like, "okay I'm glad I got this out, and realize this." Because neglecting the Lord in whatever I am doing: quite time, study, moving, eating, talking, driving, ALL if it, is just really not okay. That is called distance, individuality. God is not my dad back home while I'm off at college, all the while he loves me and settles on seeing me on my next vacation. No, God is ACTIVELY relational. Jesus invaded my college and the holy Spirit is very present here and now. I need to get that.

Here is my next thought after that realization. "Okay sweet I get it.....Now that I do I am going to get back to moving." Like as long as I realize how messed up I am and comment on it via a blog all things are cool now and I can get back to life. That is missing the point! Being a christian is not about agreeing with God and getting into heaven and only being involved with God when you need Him. Being a Christian means setting you foremost energy, joy, and satisfaction on the living God! Jesus is not some dead guy that Paul and Peter knew but you don't! Jesus is just as alive today as He was 2000 years ago. Same guy, same God, same place, same reality.

Friends, we have got to read our bibles and set aside time to respond to the reality of God's presence. We do not live in a human created world, we live in God's world. Today's world is not different than the world 2000 years ago. It is the same rock and God is the same God. He doesn't go away or change or age with time; he is constant. We need to do what my friend Gurveer said, "We need to walk around like our Father runs the place!" He is a freshman, and he is cool.

And here is the thing, we need to not only agree with God being relational, constant and present, but be relational back! It is so easy for me to comment on my heart condition and God's truth, but that is not enough. I need to do something about it. (check out Josh Harris' and John Piper's comments on this).

Blogging about this provides me with some accountability. If I blog about this and then do nothing to change my actions I am foolish, I am a liar and a tool. I don't want to be a tool so I am going to go plug my phone in, because it keeps tweaking out, then call Jessica back and tell her I can't talk right now. Then I am going to go to coffee an breakfast and read my ESV bible. I am going to put off moving my washer/dryer unit until later--this will frustrate my dad, but that is okay because relationship with Dio needs to happen. Then I am going to finish moving remembering what Peter says in 1Peter 1:3-9, 17-21.

Remember and respond with me.

It's Game Time

2009-05-23T10:35:00.001-07:00

I am at work right now. I should be working obviously, but yahoo tends to get the best of me.

"Wack a Kitty" is the new hottest selling game on the shelves. Check it out. What do you think?

Shelock Holmes

2009-05-21T22:10:00.000-07:00

This is the new Sherlock Holmes movie by directed by Guy Richie. Legit? I think so!

24

2009-05-18T22:00:00.000-07:00

24 just ended. They resolved nothing. They left us hanging. I do not agree with this season. What the fish Jack? Step up and resolve the earth please. We are pissed.

Election

2009-05-18T00:25:00.000-07:00

Thoughts:
I like election. I like many points of Reformed Theology. I like Armenianism. But, it does not matter what I like or dislike. My God is who He is, regardless if I like it or not. I am at a loss of understanding in His hand in our reality. You providential, sovereign, all loving, knowing powerful God.

You awful God my thoughts are terribly frustrated. I chuckle at my inadequacy.

How do I reconcile Reformed Theology with 1 Timothy 4:10? How do I reconcile 1 Timothy with John 10? Oh what a mystery my God is!

Prayer:
"I like you Lord, but I don't get You. I'm just pretty sure you like me and want to be involved in 'my' reality. I'm pretty sure you want me to submit 'my' reality to yours, understanding that I am not a god. I'm pretty sure I don't sit on a throne, I act like I do. I need to give that back to you. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Will you fix me please, I tend to mess with your people. Sorry about that too. Jesus people are going to read this....actually no one may read this hahaha....aaaahhhh, wow that was funny. Anyway if they do, just make sure they pick up a desire to talk with you about 'their' lives. Yeah, that is a good request I think. Alright Lord, Father, I'm a kid and I don't get you....just wanted to let you know that....in case you weren't aware? Okay, good I'm glad we got that straightened out; You're really big and I'm....well....I'm just not that big haha. Okay I have a math final tomorrow. That is the big daddy of tests, so I should stop blogging and man up and study. PEACE!" (Yes readers, that was a gangster lingo "peace" with a additionally throwed peace sign created with my fingers.)

Definition notes:
awful-full of awe; reverential.
terrible-formidably great. exciting terror, awe, or great fear.
frustrated-thwart, baffle.

The Cook and the Turkey

2009-05-14T12:31:00.000-07:00

Charlie: How are you doing?

Landon: When asked "how are you doing?" I always wish I had something really impacting or honest to say, other than just "I'm good" you know what I mean? It is so cliche! I feel like asking a person how they are you doing is like a cook sticking a thermometer into a baking turkey then taking it out and trying to read it but he doesn't know what Fahrenheit is or the first thing about cooking a turkey!

I'm a pitiful cook my friend. And I'm a turkey still in the oven.

Anyway all that to say....I'm pretty good, thanks for asking.

Taking the Punches

2009-05-14T07:01:00.000-07:00

Once you realize you can take a few punches you realize you are not made of glass. You realize you can make it. You begin to like it. You begin to push your limits. It is addicting and it feels good.

I stayed up past midnight. I slept on a coach. I woke up at 5am. I am at 3 cups of coffee. I am sick and tired. I am wired and I think I like it. Knowing that I can finish my term paper and survive the day feels somewhat empowering. I think I can do this college thing. But more than that I want to.

Maybe this all really is true. But really weighing it, these feelings are all probably the coffee....

"Cup number 3.."
"Yes Landon?"
"Goodbye."

....Pounded.

Reading

2009-05-11T19:07:00.001-07:00

I want to give a kid with issues a little affirmation....I read your blog.

Im glad we have the technology we do in this world to keep in somewhat contact with people who are far away. It is nice to hear what you are chewing on.

P.S. Go read "Death By Love" by Mark Driscoll......just kidding

Humble Beginings

2009-05-01T21:03:00.000-07:00

Susan Boyle throwback

Eddie

2009-04-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

I have a fraternity brother, his name is Eddie. Eddie has had a crappy week. I have had crappy weeks. Today, Wednesday was a crappy week for a few hours. I had a hard counseling session with a guy.

This is what I told Eddie. I'm going to read it. Maybe the Lord will speak to me through what I wrote. Sometimes it feels like He does. But really what we should be reading is scripture. In this case the one that inspired this writing was 1 Peter 1:3-12....Now that I look at it verses 13-21. They relate to my last post and to Hebrews 12.

To my friend Eddie;

--------------------------

Eddie I have sincerely had weeks like the ones you are experiencing. Worse weeks in fact. I share that burden with you. The reality is I, we, will forever have shitty weeks. I--by my own skill, self-reliance, knowledge, and strength--have NOT been able to climb out of weeks like this.

The only thing to pull me out, to give me hope has been the unbridled faith in the love that God has for me by sending His son to the cross a long time ago to pay my debt for the sin I have committed against others AND Him. By Jesus God has brought me into a forgiven and reconciled relationship with him. It has taken repentance, apology and a lot of work, years of it.

It is that new, authentic, REAL relationship with Jesus that I can get through any terrible thing that happens in this life. Because with faith in Jesus comes a hope Eddie, such a hope that one day I will be in heaven with a father who accepts me and loves me. On that day I will enter heaven and all my accusers who say I am a creep and a duesch and lie about me will be silenced. Why?

Because in the eyes of my father Jesus paid the debt for me by his death on the cross. Then by a crazy supernatural, almost unbelievable act He was raised from the dead, overcoming all those who sent him to the cross. He is the only person I have ever heard of in my entire life to completely deliver on ALL his promises. And to meet literally ALL the prophecies of men that lived over 3,000 years before him. (I have read all those ancient writings and Jesus meets all the expectations. That is weird, it is crazy.) I put my faith in that scholarly fact.

The hope to get me through terrible weeks stems from Jesus' miraculous resurrection! I cant explain it. My friend, it gives me in-expressible joy knowing one day--the same day that my accusers will be silenced in fact--I will enter into heaven and i will no longer have weeks like the one you are having.

That hope spurs me on to honor my heavenly father with my life in spite of weeks like this by saying, "Lord, because of what you have done on my behalf, in the midst of the deepest possible pain your grace is sufficient and the hope I have in you is enough."

I share this with you not to persuade you to be a Christian, ultimately that is between you and God. However, I would be overjoyed if the Lord opened your eyes to the truth in this, because honestly Eddie (and hear me now, I mean this with the most genuine sincerity my heart has to give) it is the most authentic and life changing truth that I have ever been met with and it brings me more hope than anything in the world.

I want you to read a story, my favorite story in fact, about a girl named Renee. She experience the power of God's love through a group of people who ended up starting a non-profit called "To Write Love On Her Arms." This is her story.....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Start at "Begin"

http://www.twloha.com/page.php?id=6

Your friend,

Landon

Snid-bit

2009-04-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

This was a blank screen before I began typing. I don't really have much to say. Not because my mind is empty of thought, it's not. It's overflowing in fact. Thoughts of theology, ravaged past, and summer plans.

The Gospel Coalition was awesome. I posted a talk from one of the guys--Tim Keller. That talk illuminated a lot of personal idolatry I have in my life that need to be uprooted. He was right when he said, "Let's not be so naive as to think idolatry is only physically bowing down to a wooden statue." There is soul idolatry as well. You can listen to Keller's sermon on it for a more expounded biblical definition.

It's weird when paper rebukes you. Reading scripture lately I can fully agree with the first point of Calvinism; which is Total Depravity. With that said however, I can also see such an outpouring of grace from the Lord's mouth.

Not the false grace that says, "I love you no matter what you do." (That is not a complete picture of biblical grace I think. ) Rather a true, real, grace that says, "Landon I will break the legs of sheep to keep them from running from me. You need to learn I am your satisfaction, fulfillment, greatest pleasure, highest joy, lasting hope. I am your security." I believe the Lord is bringing me under His righteous discipline.

First by showing me areas of sin of which I NEED to repent. Second by guiding me to confession. Third by repenting (by this I mean turning AWAY from depravity and turning TOWARD sanctification and righteousness that is in Christ.)

This discipline has been a good thing because in it I am learning one thing and gaining confidence in another. I am learning that dying to our sinful nature, our natural ways of living, which are self-pleasing, is good because being satisfied in the Hope of Christ is deeply consoling and inspiring and pleasing and and and. Fill in the blanks. It is. It's peaceful and shockingly restful to indulge in Christ. As for the confidence, Hebrews 12 speaks clearly that the Lord's discipline is a good thing because it confirms our inheritance. If you are a parent, teacher or coach I'm sure you can agree with the following story.

In high school I had a baseball coach who often said, "I'm yelling at you because I want you to be better. If I'm not yelling at you be worried because that means I have given up on you." I think that is biblical and I think it parallels the Lord's heart in regards to our growth. Read Heb 12 and you'll see.

I don't want to expound too much on it because honestly the scripture can speak for itself and God's word is what matters. I suppose the more vague I make this entry the better than. Because that would force you to read the scripture references to try and figure out what on earth I am talking about.

Ahh just kidding. But do read the scripture.

So this would be a small, micro-cosmic, snid-bit of a life update.

John Mark McMillan

2009-04-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

Get ready to cry

Idolatry

2009-04-28T17:52:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to Chicago for the Gospel Coalition. I will shamelessly drop a few names of the guys who taught at it. Ready? Tim Keller, Mark Driscoll, John Piper, Josh Harris, C.J. Mahaney, D.A. Carson, Ligon Duncan, Ajith Fernando, ect. ect. ect. Needless to say it was awesome.

The following is the link to Tim Keller's talk on Tuesday. It was about idolatry and it rocked me.

The Grand Demythologizer: The Gospel and Idolatry

1:37

2009-04-16T01:37:00.000-07:00

I am getting up at 8am and have breakfast with John. He is one of my besties. After than I am playing disc golf all day until 2pm (read the quote by Shel Silverstein from earlier today). Then I have work from 3-11pm. I need to quit that job.

...It is 1:39am now. It was 1:37am when I began writing this.

Point is I need to go to sleep.

Want to hear something funny though? When I wake up I wont need to drive over to John's house to pick is car-less self up for breaky-fast (that means breakfast, ie the first meal of the day) because I am going to fall asleep on his living room couch in a second.

Jessica is a breakfast eater. She says she is not one of those people who can forgo on that meal. I like that about her. I like most things about her. Even her hair color, whatever color she decides to keep it. (I will be getting a smile from her about this.)

....Unless maybe she dies it aqua blue, then we might have a problem. Just kidding, but seriously.
....Actually now that I think about it I wonder if I would dig the blue?

Crap its 1:44am now. I am going to cry. Don't take anything I just said seriously. I am going to bed....or couch rather.

I Know You Like to Think

2009-04-16T00:48:00.000-07:00

This is a song by OutKast-Roses
"I know you'd like to thank your stuff don't stank
But lean a little bit closer
See that roses really smell like boo-boo
Yeah, roses really smell like boo-boo"

I think we all should realize the inflated version we have of ourselves is faulty. We are not as firm and strong as we like to think. We are easily broken, like toys. We need at times. We are children in so many ways. This is something I have been learning.

Tonight I listened to a young lady speak about some truth. The truth and weight of what she said sat down in front of me, stared at me for a few moments before opening its mouth to ask, "Why wont you melt for the God that created you?"

"I suppose I am a fighter" I answered. "I have been sinned against and I am trying to live the best and strongest way I can. I am taking control of my life and getting it back in order."

The truth is I am fragile and broken. I was offended and I am now. not only putting up fortresses in defense to a messed up world. (This fortresses are in the form of my attitudes toward things; ie my self-reliance, skepticism, pride and self-esteem.) I am also indulging in music, sin, friends, activities, and attitudes that bring me peace, euphoria, joy, stabilization and protection. It is all managed and manicured to bring Landon what Landon wants. Comfort. "Growth." "Manicured Growth" I call it.

Can you relate?

We all give ourselves lordship over our lives at times. Often times because, at some point down the road a long time ago or recently, we got burned. We often create our own religion, philosophy, or worldview that "works for us." Universalism.

For Christians it is one part true biblical Gospel, and two parts "exception." Exception meaning, "I deem myself the exception in crazy situations therefore I conclude that I have the privilege of expanding on the Gospel to fit my circumstance." Catering to fit what we want to believe.

Can you relate?

You are not the exception, trust me. Go ask a counselor your story and ask if yours is any more unique than the general populous. Then after shelling out that $150 to get that question answered begin to read your bible and seek out what Jesus says about you. You may find it interesting, as do I, to see that you are much like the people He interacts with in the Bible. Read John 8:1-11. We are at times the Pharisees and the woman.

Here is the point in all my scatter brained thoughts. We can all relate to being sinned against, and to sinning against. We need to learn we are broken and our outlook on life is very flawed. For this reason we need Jesus.

We need to base our life on what He says. Why? Because He was resurrected after saying he would be in the witness of groups of people who documented seeing him alive after they saw him dead.

We cannot afford to come up with our own world view. We cannot become so reliant on ourselves that we forge past acknowledging and fearing the God who tailored us together and wants to take care of us out of unbridled love for us.

OutKast had a good thought when they called us out on being too arrogant. But Matt Chandler has a better one. He tells us that even though we are messed up and broken we can still be loved, redeemed, rescued, saved from the filth we has committed and the filth that has been committed to us. There is more to his message, I would encourage you to watch more of his stuff. Start with the video below.

Roses.

Susan Boyle rocks my Knickers

2009-04-16T00:38:00.000-07:00

Britian has talent. I watched this video of my friend Susan, I met her on line....Okay so that is a lie, I don't know Susan and I didn't meet her online. I also did not find this video. I stole it from my friend Barrett who I met online. That is a lie too, I didn't meet Bear online. I did meet him once upon a time though, and now we are friends. He is in a band of musicians called See The Light. I know they are going places because they are on myspace.com....yeahyers its a big deal.

Introducing Susan....
Susan Boyle you tear my heart out.

It's pronounced "Zac Efron"

2009-04-16T00:23:00.000-07:00

Because of this video I am now a fan of the star of High School Musical 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and soon to be released College Musical 1: The Freshman 15.

Enjoy this, family and friends...

Zac Efron

Ghost Ride The Whip

2009-04-15T19:41:00.000-07:00

This is Sean's new chariot....

MiniUSA

Discipleship

2009-04-15T19:38:00.000-07:00

I was speaking with a friend at work today. He is hesitant to follow my blog. I assured him he would still be a normal human being if he decided to do so. He was fearful about becoming a disciple of my blog. I on the other hand am not fearful at all. In fact I think its biblical.

His name is Sean.....pray for him.

There Is A Place

2009-04-15T18:15:00.000-07:00

"There is a place where the sidewalk ends,
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind."
— Shel Silverstein

This place is called the Disc Golf Course. This week I will call it home.

TWLOHA.com

2009-04-09T18:33:00.000-07:00

To Write Love On Her Arms

Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.

Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.

She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.

The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.

She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.

I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes

Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.

She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.

On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.

Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.

After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.

She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.

As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.

I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.

Holy Sonnet # 14

2009-04-07T14:41:00.000-07:00

In my English class we are reading through the poetry of John Donne. He was born in 1572 and died in March of 1631. Despite his great education and poetic talents he lived in poverty for several years, relying heavily on wealthy friends. He grew up Catholic but later converted to Anglican.

Many of his early poems were erotic in nature dealing with very unconventional metaphors. However, in his later years his poetry began to transition to taking a more Christ-centered theme. In 1615 he became an Anglican priest and, in 1621, was appointed the Dean of St. Paul's Cathedral in London.

Of the many poems we are reading this is one of my favorites.

John Donne's Holy Sonnets #14

Batter my heart, three-personed God; for you

As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;

That I may rise and stand, o'er throw me, and bend

Your force to break, blow, burn and make me new,

I, like an usurped town, to another due,

Labor to admit you, but O, to no end;

Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,

But is captive, and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,

But am betrothed into your enemy,

Divorce me, untie or break that knot again;

Take me to you, imprison me, for I,

Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,

Nor chaste, except you ravish me.

Reconcile

2009-04-07T12:14:00.000-07:00

In the context of this post I define "reconcile" as figuring out.

I have been challenged lately with a lack of confidence and doubt.

A lack of confidence in my discernment, other believer's advice, words, actions and namely wisdom. I have been closed to what I will listen to and who it comes from. I think this is wise and prudent. The problem is lacking confidence in others is closely followed by a lack of grace.

Doubt of the stand-alone transformational power of the Gospel to our actions and habits.

A lack of confidence in other's discernment.

A lack of confidence in the general held theology of my peers, most christian music, books and sermons.

Doubt in the active work of Jesus in my life now, each day.

Even doubt in the validity of Christ. At this doubt is where I will stop and make an observation. I have been trying to "reconcile" (figure out) Christ to my logic. Trying to figure out the Gospel in light of what I know, what I experience and what I observe about my microcosm of culture. Instead I should be "reconciling" my life in light of Christ's finished work a few thousand years ago and the word of all the prophets a few thousand years before Him! I should recognize He was not just a man who lived and died for my sins. Stopping there is one of the greatest lies of Satan in our world today. Yes Jesus did live then die for my sins, but then He was raised by the power of the Holy Spirit to sit at the right hand side of God in a place called Heaven. In the Resurrection we see the power of the Holy Spirit. It is the core and climax of the Gospel. It is the confirmation of our faith in Christ's redemptive work and active power in our life now, each day.

Another observation. The reason why I am experiencing some of these doubts is because I have not been being "transformed by the renewing of my mind" which comes through, not only reading scripture--both Old and New Testaments, but by also studying and memorizing it. It being scripture. Paul encourages us to do this.

The reason why I am sharing all this with anyone who so cares to read this blog is to spur you on. To show you what happens as a result of "taking time off" or "letting your guard down" to phrase it in a more warfare sense. However you decide to phrase it the point is we must consistently stand firm on the truth of the Gospel, remain hydrated by scripture, and steady in the pursuit of Christ.

Solarium

2009-03-30T21:27:00.000-07:00

I think this is one of the best evangelical tools out there. Solarium is Latin for "sun" and oh how it can shed new light in contextualizing the Gospel to a visually based culture.

www.campuscrusade.com/WSN/soul.htm

Ping Pong

2009-03-29T21:55:00.000-07:00

this is what I shall do when I beat Danny

video.yahoo.com/network/100284668?v=4656506&l=4418225

Hallow Be Thy Name

2009-03-28T22:58:00.001-07:00

www.desiringgod.org/Blog/1701_The_Most_Important_Prayer_Request_in_the_World/

Where The Wild Things Are

2009-03-28T22:28:00.000-07:00

This is what I have been dreaming of all week. Please watch this in HD.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=--N9klJXbjQ

Sharks

2009-03-28T22:23:00.000-07:00

“If you watch the movie ‘Jaws’ backwards, it’s a movie about a shark that keeps throwing up people until they have to open a beach.”

Advance 09

2009-03-28T21:50:00.001-07:00

http://www.advance09.com/

Satan?

2009-03-26T22:22:00.000-07:00

http://www.abcnews.go.com/Nightline/FaceOff/

What do you think?

To Trim, To Bite, To Brim

2009-03-26T21:35:00.000-07:00

Okay here is the story. I am very proud of my finger nails. I normally do not feel this way, but the last few weeks I do. Why? Because usually I will use my teeth to "manicure" my nails.

Now by manicure I do not mean metro-sexually polish, file, paint ect. I mean I take care of them. I upkeep them. A guy a work with--Buys--disagreed with me tonight about the definition of "manicuring." Buys is a warrior among men. I will liken him to a soldier from 300, only with a dislocated collar bone (which causes him no pain I might add), a Virginian accent, a tattoo, and an incredible knack for sniffing out a car trying to nosedive into the valet lot. Basically the man, excuse me, warrior, is the Apollo Creed of our generation.

Naturally Buys thinks any word relating to a man that sounds remotely feminine is off limits to the tongue of our gender.

Nevertheless, I used the word manicure. I should have known better. We then spent the next 20 minutes looking on dictionary.com first defining "manicure," then defining "trim," and finally moving on to define "bite."

Buys thought people who "manicure" their nails without the use of finger nail clippers in fact "bite" their nails. I disagreed.

I viewed biting as a form of chomping with no other purpose other than to appease an oral fixation. Biting in my mind had no purpose. For example, a person does not bite their food. No, their purpose is to nourish their body and so they "chew" their food. If this is true I also do not "chew" my nail as I would food.

Instead I suggested that I "trim" my nails. By saying I trim my nails I tactfully define manicure and I avoid having to admit that I bite my nails.

Upon looking up these words however we came to find that I in fact used to bite and trim my nails.

So what then was our response?
...
...
...
"BRIM."

A Dangerous Train of Thought

2009-03-25T16:44:00.000-07:00

It seems easier for people--me specifically--to sin in today's world as opposed to pre-passion time. (By pre-passion I mean before Jesus went to the cross. Specifically during the time when Jesus was walking the earth.) Why? Well as I was thinking about sin today I thought, "No I can't let myself sin because my sin, along with everyone else's, is the reason why Jesus needed to die." Then I thought, "But Jesus already died and came back to life, so technically I'm not relly hurting anyone because the suffering already took place. All I would really be doing is frustrating God."

Friends that is forsaking the Gospel! I share this thought with you for a few reasons;

To tell those of you who may say the same thing in the midst of your habitual sin and or addiction that you are not unique, I share your sinful thoughts.
To inform you that this train of thinking is dangerous, heretical and sinful. So DO NOT buy into it.
To tell you the Gospel of Jesus do not just end with his death on the cross! We must take into account the ressurection. There is so much power in that. (That is a topic for another blog though)

Why kind of sin am I talking about that led to this thinking though? Without going into too much detail refer to Romans 7:15-20.

Jesus died to atone, propitiate God's wrath, expiate our uncleanness, give us hope in the midst of this broken world and to be the chief glory of the father. Please do not allow the Gospel of Christ to become a historical event which you think you are not apart of. Be assured you are.

For more info read the letters of Paul and Peter.

Start at 1 Peter 1:3-9 then move on to verse 13 noticing when Paul says THEREFORE he is refering back to verses 3-12.

Why Do Church?

2009-03-25T16:41:00.000-07:00

This is a posting from Mr. John Piper's blog. A theologian among theologians, this man has one of the deepest understandings of the christian life/christianity i have ever heard articulated.

For more info check out youtube.com and type in his name or read some of his other blog postings.

http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/1700_Why_Do_Church/

Thoughts from 3/18

2009-03-23T17:28:00.001-07:00

A few days ago Jessica asked me how I was doing. Jessica is the lovely girl from North Carolina. If you have never met Jessica let me give you a window into her personality; she has a fervent "dislike" for UNC, she dances and smiles a lot, she has an amazing family, and she is very....very good at grammar.

Where was I? She asked me how I was doing, right. So this was my response on 3/18

"Today I am predicating my intimacy with the Father on MY pursuit of Him through the saturation of truth--the Bible--rather than on the person of Jesus through the work of his life and cross. I am learning there is such a weight in Jesus being the way to the the Father. The living reality that Jesus intercedes for us is huge."

Give my words grace, I was trying to fit a few hours of thought into a text message answer. Naturally it lacks depth, but allow me to expound. Being rooted in scripture--by that I mean reading, memorizing and discussing scripture--is vital in the process of renewing our minds.

However, on a day like the 18th I found myself thinking a very dangerous religious thing. I thought, "Man I don't FEEL very close with the Lord today. It is probably because I haven't been reading my Bible very consistently. Yeah I really need read the Bible THEN I will be right with the Lord."

Can I share with you the lie in that? First, our relationship with the Father does not hinge on how we feel. Our relationship with the Father--Christian's call this the new covenant--hinges on the work of Jesus' life, climaxing at the moment of the cross and resurrection. Hear that please. You were gifted the opportunity of relationship with Holy God. You did not earn. You do nothing for it. You did not deserve it, because frankly, you suck at life.

Now at this point don't get all hard heart-ed, I suck too. If you keep reading this blog you will see just much I suck. So feel better knowing that I am right there with you and I'd be glad to tell you all the ways that I do, but that is not the point in this blog. The point is you and Jesus and the Father.

Second, to say that I need to read my bible then the Lord will be close to me is backwards theology. Is it good, pleasing to the Lord, Biblical, beneficial to read our Bibles? Absolutely. Should we pursue the Lord with all passion, fervency, and zeal? Absolutely. Does the Lord respond to our pursuit of Him? Yes. BUT (and this is a HUGE "BUT", one of the most important "Buts") we ought not think that we gain right standing with the Lord based on our level of effort. We should put effort forth, the christian life is marked by putting effort forth, BUT not before we accept the free gift of grace from Jesus that puts us into right standing with the Father. This was not where my heart was on the 18th.

My heart's condition was one of self-sufficiency, self-reliance, independence, and pride. Am I being too harsh? Not if rebuke and conviction drives us to a deeper appreciation of Christ.

In addition, it is important to understand God has a different set of standards than we do. And I do not mean the 10 commandments only. No, we must not look only to those standards. We must look to the law of Christ. What does He say about how we are to examine ourselves.He is creator, we are creation. He is judge, we are not. He does not think like we think. He does not act like we act. We must look to him as our character reference, not man made moral standards.

Ok so what is the point? 3 things.

1. If you are under the false doctrine of self-sufficiency and are looking at your relationship w/ the Father as an "If, Then Statement" you should repent. Turn toward truth and embrace the gift of grace.

2. Read the scripture. Paul speaks volumes as to what the Gospel of Christ is. Galatians and 1 Peter 1:3-9 are wonderful pieces of encouragement.

3. Pray about these words, as you should about all the words you read here. As Bryan Stupar, teaching pastor at Calvary SLO, says, "I can promise you two things from this blog; messes and Jesus."

Thrilling

2009-03-21T01:10:00.000-07:00

John will be happy about this I think.